


I Wish I Could Love You

by Masdevallia



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Accidental Stimulation, Awkward Romance, F/M, FE3H Wank Week, Guilt, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Religious Guilt, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:13:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masdevallia/pseuds/Masdevallia
Summary: Ferdinand pines for Bernadetta. After a training practice where they work a little too closely together, his feelings begin to unravel. Little does he know that the feeling is quite mutual.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53
Collections: Wank Week 2020





	1. Part 1: Pining

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't think I'd be able to contribute for wank week due to multiple projects, but I did! This is a 2 part story. This part hits the prompts for day 3: Guilt, as well as both for day 5: pining and accidental stimulation. I've always wanted to write more NSFW material for these two and hey, I've gotta feed myself!

Bernadetta von Varley was not Ferdinand’s type, or at least, not his imagining of what it could be. His first crush had been Manuela Casagrande, and then the various opera stars he would grow up seeing. But that attraction was all built on talent and idealization, not what actually was. As Ferdinand grew older, he would come to realize that he had grown to love the characters and the actor’s abilities to project their voices and their bodies into emotion. In other words, it was but a boyish infatuation. 

Ever since their through-the-doorway conversation, Bernadetta had begun to open up to him. It was slow and gradual. It had started with her opening up the door to offer him a cake she made in the dining hall that she had been secretly allowed to keep, to them playing a silly card game or two. 

There was something more to her, and although she was not a conventional beauty of the types poets would lauded and immortalized in texts, there was much depth to her and a friendship had quickly blossomed. But Ferdinand could not ignore the surprising ways his feelings had grown. From the timbre of her laugh to the way she would hold whatever item--flowers, stuffed animals, her weapon, even-- she had, as if everything meant the world to her, as if it were fleeting and she could give them the love she wanted to give.

“Ferdinand,” the Professor said one day. Their tone had been decisive, yet he could tell they wanted to talk to him about something. 

“Yes, Professor? What is it?”

“I’ve noticed Bernadetta has grown closer to you and some of the other Black Eagles. I was wondering if you could help out with some lancing techniques, particularly with the javelin. I think based on your strengths, you’d be best suited to the task.”

“Is that it, Professor?” he said, giving them a smile. “I would be most proud to show Bernadetta my most exquisite lancing techniques. You need not worry for I shall give her the most exemplary moves befitting of a noble!”

Their lancing techniques started a few days later. Bernadetta had sighed in relief when she had been paired with him when they met up in the training grounds. The Professor often did this, pairing their students together based on strength and the other student based on their potential. The Professor had remarkably good foresight on this. “Phew! Thank goodness it’s you, Ferdie.”

She had been so much smaller compared to him, yet she had already grown a few centimeters since the start of their academy days. To Ferdinand, it showed just how far they had come in the almost year since they had started studying together. “Our Professor has envisioned a grand potential regarding you and the lance. Shall we proceed?”

The Professor had stressed that Bernadetta would be best suited for javelin throwing. That in consideration to Bernadetta’s fragility, it would be an asset to have if they were ambushed in close quarters. All she needed to do was something akin to target practice. 

“Th-that’s easy,” she said. “Right?”

He handed her one of the practice javelins stored in the weapons rack. They were lighter than what he was used to dealing with, but it was quite evident that Bernadetta did not seem to think so. 

“Wow, this is really heavy!” She gasped. “H-how am I gonna make the target with something this heavy?” She had tested it out by lifting the javelin in an up and down motion, trying to lift it with a single hand, as though to gauge where exactly she could have the best angle on throwing the weapon. Something about her hand on the javelin’s shaft made Ferdinand look away. 

“Er, well, this is why we are practicing, no?” He cleared his throat. “I would like for you to make an attempt at spear throwing, Bernadetta, so we can see as to where you are precisely.”

“Um, okay?” Bernadetta sighed, standing far away from the target. With a grunt, she had thrown the spear...only for it to land about halfway through. “Oh no! I’m so sorry! That was a really bad throw! Gosh, you’re so pathetic Bernie.”

“It is quite alright!” he said, trying to be reassuring. “This was only but your first time,” he said. 

“I know, but as an archer I’m supposed to have good aim, aren’t I?”

“We are never good on our first tries.” Ferdinand picked up the weapon and then stepped closer to her. “Perhaps it would be beneficial if we were to simulate the ideal throw as an exercise. You are used to shooting projectiles from a mechanism, not throwing them with your body.” He was close enough now to get a reaction out of her. Ferdinand had chastised himself for overstepping his boundaries without warning. He had only intended to help. He lifted the javelin up. “If I may?”

“Oh! Um...um, of course.”

He had positioned himself right behind her, lifting her arms up, the weapon in hand. They were surprisingly strong and there were muscles that had formed. It was most unexpected, yet upon second thought, it made sense she had formed them through her archery. She had grown closer to him. It was almost instinctual the way his body reacted to that, feeling her backside graze him. His heartbeat quickened.

Ferdinand had towered over her, but he didn’t calculate it was so easy to just lower his lips down and kiss her neck from this angle. He pried away from these thoughts, focusing on the task at hand. “I want you to place your hand where mine is.” Bernadetta followed his instructions. “Alright. Are you ready for us to commence?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Let us count down, then. Three...two…” With their hands together, her warm, yet calloused hands, either from archery or her needlework over his, he lifted the javelin and threw it. Bernadetta sighed, her body tensing. Ferdinand now felt heat pooling around his body as they watched the javelin fly, their bodies still locked together.

The javelin had hit the target with perfection. 

“I did it? I did it!”

Ferdinand couldn’t help but smile. “You did! You are a natural at this, Bernadetta. Now let us do this again!” They had practiced again and again, and no matter how close their bodies were, Ferdinand could not temper his reactions to them. 

A very un-noble thought had coalesced through his mind out of nowhere, of kissing the back of her neck, or perhaps his hands falling to feel her all over. They were crude and they were shameful. He had to remain professional, as this was only a part of their education and he had been tasked to help her. 

He would do no less than perfect for her.

Bernadetta’s mood improved each time they threw the javelin and it would hit the target. Her smile was so radiant. And it was not helping his unseemly desires.

“We ought to stop for the day,” he said.

“Aw, really? But I was just getting the hang of it!”

“You will tire if we overexert ourselves.” Ferdinand put away the javelin in the weapons rack. “You are quite talented. All we need to do is hone your skills and you will soon stop our enemies in their tracks! They will face the enigma that is Bernadetta von Varley!” He pounded his fist with his other hand for effect.

Bernadetta shyly looked away. “R-really?”

“With more practice and repeated notions, for it is inevitable!”

Bernadetta moved her gaze to meet his. “Thanks, Ferdie. You’re a good teacher,” she said. 

Her actions after were unprecedented. She had met him for a hug. It was something they had never done before, but he was more than enthusiastic to see her welcome him so. He embraced her with vigor, yet his body cried out when she let go. It had ended all too quickly.

“I should go back to my room and rest,” she said. “Um, night, Ferdie!”

“Goodnight, Bernadetta.”

Ferdinand was good at shoving down his thoughts throughout the course of the late afternoon and evening. He had always made sure to either check in on the other students and his fellow classmates (although Hubert and Edelgard were constantly coming and going, in and out of Garreg Mach, as if they had business in the Empire) and partaking in some sort of busywork such as writing letters to his father or reading another annual yield report.

But tonight he was distracted. All he could think about was Bernadetta. 

Bernadetta, the girl he was once betrothed to, or at least the girl which his father had tried to marry him off to repeatedly. He had put his foot down each and every single time. She seemed to have no awareness of this fact, and he was grateful for it.

But now he couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if they had gone through with it, or if he could ever gather his nerves and ask her if he could court her. Surely his father would not mind, but knowing Bernadetta’s disposition, he feared she would be afraid he was using her, that his prior intentions in befriending her were laced with impure intentions that he did not possess.

Yet he thought of the way her body had melded with his during their training. How right it had felt to be so close to her. She was all he ever wanted. She was so kind, so sweet, and a wonderful companion to be with.

Ferdinand moved away from his desk and began to pace around his room in a frenzy as his cock began to twitch at the remembrance of her body pressed against his. 

Ferdinand had felt a wave of impulse when he raced to the bed, placing a pillow over his head. “This is not noble of me,” he said, shaking his head. He tried his best to block out thoughts of her, of them together, but it had been futile.

Then another memory from their training session had manifested, mostly the gentle way she held the javelin. Her hand, which had tried to find the best angle for throwing it. It had been innocent and something he had done many times himself, but he couldn’t help but think of what it would be like for her hands to go around his cock that way, in that exact form. 

Would she be as gentle? As tentative? Would it make her nervous to see his excitement of her, his need?

He sighed, now realizing his hand had instinctively gotten inside his trousers, his hand now wrapped around his cock. Despite his shame, it had felt good as he gave it a single stroke in an attempt to match Bernadetta’s handling of the javelin. 

If he had agreed to the betrothal, would they be marrying next month after they had graduated? Would he be able to consummate the marriage? To tell her she was perfect in every way, that they would grow together and help each other out. 

He had remembered Bernadetta’s arms were stronger than they looked, she would be able to have a perfect grasp of his cock. She would adjust so well. 

“Ferdie, I think this is too binding,” he heard her say, her voice low and seductive, like a siren calling to him. She loosened his trousers in one fell swoop, where he was now exposed to the walls of his room. 

“Is this to your liking, my dear?” he said. 

“Yes,” she said. 

Multiple scenarios had tried to fit into his mind. He had invited her to her room. One of them had kissed and things quickly escalated or maybe it was their wedding night and they would consummate it right then and there. Or maybe it was right in the training grounds, where Ferdinand gave into his impulses and kissed Bernadetta in the back of her neck, his lips moving all around until he reached her sweet sweet lips. 

Lips he wished were now wrapped around his cock right now. 

He bucked his hips, moving wildly as he thought of how she would move. Her strong hands or perhaps her sweet mouth. Both were such glorious places he had wished his cock could touch. “Bernadetta you are amazing in every way.” He would praise her so much. 

Their sweaty bodies would intermingle with the juices coming out of their bodies, with Ferdinand’s precum and from Bernadetta’s slick petals. Ferdinand used the precum to his advantage, his strokes becoming more and more definitive from shaft to head, much like Bernadetta’s grip on the javelin. And then she would give him the honor of entering her. He couldn’t decide if he would want her below him, making her a willing subject of his affection and endless kisses; or he wanted her to set the pace. To take him while taking control and allowing her the benefit of doing this to her liking.

Would she gasp in their lovemaking? Would she scream and tremble in their throes of love?

“Bernadetta...Bernadetta…” he said to the walls, wishing she were here instead of being in the vestiges of his mind.

He imagined when she would come, she would sound so lovely, that she would say his name over and over again, that she would be proud of him, and he would be proud of her for everything. For opening up to him, for allowing him the privilege of her time, that she was well worth the effort.

Ferdinand had come hard, saying her name like a litany to the goddess, his devotion obvious and clear. She would snap still and watch him wide eyed, knowing what they had done and the love he had shared with her.

 _The Goddess_ , he thought, with shame. She would disapprove of what he had done. His father told him it was shameful for nobles to indulge in their wants, especially unmarried and pure boys like Ferdinand. Yet his father had dalliances with other women. Was it hypocrisy or was it because his father had already experienced the consummation of marriage? Yet Ferdinand thought the idea of straying was a betrayal to the Goddess herself, especially since his father's vows were made to his wife to love and protect, to honor and serve.

Ferdinand's shameful act had put them nearly on equal footing, and his father would never find out.

Ferdinand quickly changed into his nightclothes and resolved that he would go to the cathedral and ask for forgiveness in indulging in his fantasies with the girl he was pining for.

*

The next day, Ferdinand had gotten ready to go to the cathedral, but on his way, he had to report to the Professor over Bernadetta’s progress but much to his surprise, she had been there first. The door was only slightly ajar, but he couldn’t simply leave. 

“I d-don’t kn-know if I can do this, Professor!” she said. Ferdinand tensed. She sounded like the Bernadetta of old, of the Bernadetta who would cower away at the sight of him.

“Do you mean your training?”

Nothing was said. He could only assume she was nodding. But she had been content after their training, eager to move on and learn new techniques. She was smiling and radiant and beautiful.

“I can’t do it, not with him.”

“With Ferdinand?”

He froze. 

“Yes,” she said, crying. Her sobs grew deeper.

Was this what it was? Was she unsatisfied with their training? Was he too unprofessional with her? Did he forget himself again?

“I can’t do it, _please._ ”

Ferdinand’s heart shattered in pieces. He couldn’t bear to know that the girl he was pining after wanted little to do with him. Perhaps it was best to keep at a distance. To remain a friend whenever she was in need. 

That was what he had wanted for her initially, until his feelings had gotten in the way. 

Ferdinand had decided perhaps it was best to take his leave now before being caught in an awkward, irreparable situation. He would need to ask for forgiveness to a Goddess for last night, especially for partaking in an indecent act for someone who did not want him back. 

Ferdinand wasn’t the type to give up, he would never want to face defeat, but he was also an honorable man. He would respect Bernadetta in all of her endeavors, no matter what, and he would be her friend and ally. That would be included in his prayers. For she would always be in them. 


	2. Part 2: Mutual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernadetta struggles with her feelings for Ferdinand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ending on an angsty note! This one grazes some of the previous prompts for wank week and then some ^_~

Bernadetta couldn’t stop sobbing. 

“You’re saying you can’t do this because it had gone too well?” the Professor asked. 

She could barely keep herself together. “P-please don’t make me spell it out loud.” Throughout her time here, she had made so many new friends. Bernadetta never thought that would ever happen. But she had trusted no one more than the Professor, having told them of her past. Even though she had been weirded out by their hair changing color to mint green, they were still the Professor. Nothing would change that.

“Are you saying--”

Bernadetta cut them off, “That I have a big crush on Ferdie? That I think he’s cute and amazing and a wonderful guy? It hurts to be with him.” Yesterday had been a breaking point for her. 

Bernadetta had been hyperaware of how she reacted to Ferdie’s every move, how she lapped up his praise and wanted him to give her more and more and more until she felt all of her insecurities fly away. But Ferdinand was too perfect, too good for her. She had thought about it all last night, imagining him touching her in all sorts of ways and telling her how much love he wanted to give her. It was all too much! _I wish I could love you, Ferdie, but you deserve better than the wreck that is Bernie._

“I don’t see a problem with that,” the Professor said. 

“I do! I’m unmarriageable, ugly Bernie. Ferdie shouldn’t be hanging out with me.”

The Professor handed her a handkerchief, which she used to blow her nose on. “I don’t know about that, Ferdinand has been eager to make your acquaintanceship. Think about your relationship with him. I believe this is beneficial for the two of you, but if you insist on this, I can reassign Ingrid or Leonie to you. I still believe Ferdinand would be the best option, but it’s up to you.”

“I th-think this is the right thing to do,” she said, sniffing. 

There was a pause. “Alright.”

“P-please don’t tell Ferdie I have the biggest crush on him!”

“I won’t. That’s for you to sort out.”

“Th-thank you for understanding, Professor.”

She waited a few minutes to compose herself. “Have you considered being honest with him about your feelings?”

The suggestion alone was shocking. “W-why would I do that?” Ferdinand would laugh at her and tell her she was silly for even thinking it.

“Just a suggestion.”

When the tears had dried, she had left the Professor’s office and decided to go out on a walk to clear her mind. She couldn’t be in her room today. It felt stifling to be indoors today. 

But she had found Ferdinand exiting the cathedral. Had he not flagged her down, she would have run away.

“Bernadetta! How wonderful it is to see you again?” She thought of how his body felt behind her. He was big and strong and powerful and she felt an electric spark when their hands had touched. _Goddess he’s so beautiful_. 

“Um, h-hey Ferdie.”

“Good afternoon, Bernadeta. I see you are out for a walk,” he said with a bow.

She tittered. “I guess I am! I just had to sort out a few thoughts.” The thoughts she had from last night weren’t going away. She had indulged in reading a few pages of her most torrid romance novels and imagined herself and Ferdie enacting the most racy parts together. He would take her from above, from below, from behind her and she would feel beautiful and powerful, as much as she did yesterday during her training. 

It wasn’t what she deserved. 

“I am afraid I had to as well. My thoughts were…” Ferdinand went red. “They were more matters of the heart.”

Bernadetta tensed at the thought. Ferdinand had a crush on someone, too? One thing was for sure, it couldn’t be her. “I...I...yeah,” she finished weakly, unable to meet his eyes. 

“But alas, she does not return my affections.”

“I know that feeling,” she said. “It hurts, doesn’t it?” Dorothea was adamant of her hatred of Ferdinand, oftentimes yelling at him for coming too close to her. She was so tall and pretty. It made sense she would tear his heart in two.

He nodded. “It is quite painful, but I have resolved myself to never give up! I would happily concede my affections if it means we could be friends.”

For a small moment, Bernadetta wondered based on his wording if he meant by “we” he meant the two of them. But that was likely her heart fooling her into thinking that and she didn’t want to embarrass herself. “I get it, Ferdie.”

His hand found hers. Their eyes met. Wait, _was_ it her as to whom he was referring to? “I like someone, too, but he’s too kind, too good for me.”

“What utter nonsense!” he said. “Any man would be lucky to have you! I cannot fathom one saying no to you.”

She began to feel the tears threatening her. “I...I don’t know.” Ferdinand had embraced her while she cried. “S-sorry about that,” she said. 

“Would you like to have afternoon tea with me? Perhaps it might soothe you.” 

Bernadetta thought it was a terrible idea to be with the one she wanted, but could not have. “Sure,” she said, betraying herself. _Why, Bernie?_

Ferdinand had stopped by the dining hall to obtain some hot water before they had walked to his room together. 

“Would you care for some Southern-Fruit Blend?” he asked. “I am afraid I am not a very good host, as my stockpile is about to come to a close.”

“S-sure. Anything’s fine with me. And um, you’re already an amazing host.”

They were in his room, alone. The door had been shut, mostly due to their private conversation. Bernadetta took a deep breath and sat in his bed, watching his armor carelessly strewn all over the floor while he focused on steeping the tea. Ferdinand saw brewing tea as an art form.

“Well, it is steeping right now.”

Bernadetta’s gaze fell on him. His cheeks were tinged pink. He had looked so cute. 

“This person you find yourself with feelings for, did they hurt you?”

Bernadetta shook her head. 

“Ah. I was afraid of challenging Felix to a noble duel.”

“It’s not Felix,” she said, although the thought of Felix glaring at Ferdinand and saying he was flowery and ridiculous was too funny. She laughed. “Definitely not Felix.”

“I would be more than able to take Sylvain Gautier to task, then,” he said. “He has broken too many hearts. I feared you would be one of them.”

Bernadetta laughed more. “No, he’s not in the other classes, or originated from them.” She gasped, ashamed of having given herself away. Maybe she could do this. She could follow the Professor’s advice and sort this out. Ferdinand would let her down gently and all would be well as they’d become friends again.

“Ah I see. Hubert or Linhardt.”

“O-or Caspar,” she said, in an effort for him 

“Let us not forget about Caspar,” he said.

“Or you.”

“Or me.” Ferdinand paused. Then his jaw dropped. “Me?”

“Y-you,” she said, her voice trembling.

“Or me…” he said, sounding out the words, as if he were learning it.

“You.” _Damn it Bernie, just spit it out already!_

“I...I do not know what to say,” he said, laughing to himself. 

“I told you. He’s too good for me.”

Ferdinand shook his head. “I do not understand. I believe you to be perfect.”

“Wh-what I meant to say is--what? Me? Perfect?” The words had hit her. Ferdinand’s hand had found hers. Bernadetta had thought of leaving the room, but he had stopped her. 

“Absolutely, without a doubt,” he said.

Bernadetta could barely look at him. Was this a dream? An illusion? Was this part of her frenzied fantasies from last night? “I...I...Is this real?”

Ferdinand’s other hand found her, moving to her chin as he tilted her face in his direction. His eyes were large and warm and full of affection. “This is real,” he said. 

She hugged him. “I’m so sorry! I--”

His fingers found her hair. It was generally messy, but recently she had taken to brushing it. After she’d graduate, she would try to find a way to make her hair look prettier. “You need not be sorry. If anything I had assumed it was not me.”

Her heart had been beating out of her chest. She was certain she could hear it. “It was always you, Ferdie.”

“I do not know what to say, Bernadetta,” he said. He had moved back, lifting them both against the pillows. Relief had poured out of her as they lay in bed together. Their bodies had been turned towards each other as they attempted to cuddle.

“Yesterday was kind of a lot,” she said. “I…”

“It was the same for me as well.”

“I freaked out, I didn’t know what to do.”

Ferdie laughed, bringing her closer, closer. They met for a kiss, their bodies winding together, just as it had happened yesterday. His kiss was so gentle, his lips full and soft and affectionate. It was everything she had ever wanted, ever fantasized about. He kissed her again and again and again, each kiss sweeping her away further and further. She had started to forget about everything. About her being small, ugly, stupid, and of Ferdinand never loving her back, because she was here in his bed and he was _kissing_ her. 

He broke the kiss. “I would like to start courting you.”

She felt electricity around them again when she kissed him, affirming that yes, yes she did want that, more than anything.. “Yes! P-please!” Was this real? Was this a dream? She wanted him around her at all times. She let go of her hands on his and wrapped them around him. He embraced her back. She could see his freckles up close like this, and wondered if his body had been full of freckles. 

The thought of her kissing every last one of them was delicious to her. 

Ferdinand went red, as though he had been experiencing some inappropriate thoughts of his own. For her it was becoming uncontrollable. He had always strived to be a good noble and she...she had been told to be perfect and proper herself, yet their standards had been so different.

And then she could feel something hard against her body. _Is this what an erection feels like?_

He looked away from her. “Bernadetta...Perhaps we ought to stop for now.”

She nodded, pulling herself away from him, yet laying next to him in the small space of his bed.

Neither said anything.

“I was at a conundrum,” he said. “I was having very unnoble, unseemly thoughts towards you that I shall not elaborate upon. I was paying the Goddess a visit for it was most improper.” The fact that Ferdinand, _Ferdinand_ who wanted to be a perfect noble, was admitting to wanting _her_ was too much.

“It was the same for me, too!”

“Do not say that, Bernadetta!” he said, pleading and grabbing both her hands. “You shall bring out my impropriety again!” 

“Um...Ferdie?”

“What is it?”

“I um...Uh...that kind of happened already.”

He winced. “Surely, I was hoping you would not take notice. I apologize.” 

“Please don’t apologize!” Bernadetta had to wonder if her body had reacted the same as Ferdie’s. “Um...maybe...maybe it’s the same for me. You can't really tell if I’m…”

“Aroused?”

“C-can I be honest?”

He nodded. 

“I think what we feel is alright, Ferdie. Like, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that, right?” They had liked each other. There was a mutual attraction on all fronts, from physical to emotional, and his personality had attracted her. That was why Bernadetta’s arm had gone beneath her skirt and pulled down her shorts. 

“Bernadetta, what are you do--”

“Yep, I’m definitely wet,” she said, laughing awkwardly. Wet had been a mild way to put things. Yesterday after practice, she found herself wetter than she had ever been before, but today had put that one to shame. Her clit was right there in the open, easy for her finger to find, and it felt _so_ good to touch. But there was no way he could see that with her skirt covering it all..

“Bernadetta!” he said, the pain evident in his voice.

“Sorry! I just wanted to do what you always do and reassure you. I knew it was a stupid idea.”

“D-do not say that.” When she had peered at Ferdie’s body, she could see his pants had grown bigger down there. 

The air around them had grown tense. He breathed in and so did she. 

“And yet…” Ferdinand said, “Last night, I had succumbed to my shame.” He had said that he had improper thoughts towards her, but now he was flat out admitting he had touched himself. 

“Me too,” she whispered. 

Her hand had fallen back to where her clit was. She wanted, no _needed_ release. A single finger would do, as she sunk in the slickness of her want.

Ferdinand had kissed her, and she could feel herself growing impossibly wet. 

“It’s okay, Ferdie. You’re safe with me,” she said. 

Bernadetta couldn’t figure out how, but he had his hand now in a similar position to where her hand was. She couldn’t see his cock, but could tell by the way his hand had slid up and down that he was definitely gripping himself. 

“Bernadetta…” he said. 

“Oh, Ferdie...Ferdie…”

Their gazes had locked. His eyes were heavy lidded as he once again succumbed to his needs. 

Bernadetta had bucked her hips and found a rhythm, moaning and sighing at the sensations she had felt. Ferdinand watched her as she had come. She said his name in a chant, over and over again and slowed down her movements. 

“Bernadetta?” he asked.

“Yes?” She still kept her hand down below, now using two fingers. Last night, she wasn’t able to come down with just one orgasm. It had taken more than a few to keep her stable, satiated.

“May I know what it was you thought of...in relation to me?” She saw his strokes had become wilder and very uncontrolled. It was the opposite of what she expected and exactly what she had hoped. In battle, Ferdinand had shown there was more to him than what he projected under his noble veneer. She was so happy to see this in private. She would greedily keep this all to herself. His hair was as messy and bedraggled as hers and his face was scrunched in concentration. She liked him in this unkempt state.

Bernadetta moved from her spot on the bed, hovering above him. “I thought of a lot of things,” she began.

“Did you?” Ferdinand had moved up, meeting her for an open mouthed kiss. Bernadetta kissed him back. “In some, you were above me, just like how I pictured you,” _kiss_ , “and in another, you were...below me like now,” _kiss_ , “but my favorite…”

“Your favorite...”

Bernadetta was so close, she would come again. She sighed. “I would um,” how could she describe it? “Get on all fours and you would...you would take me.” 

Ferdinand had kissed her again. “Yes...I would like to take you someday...Soon, and all you all the things I want to tell you, how beautiful and...” That had caused her to come undone as she breathed in and out, allowing the orgasm to overpower her body. She was shaking.

“I want you to,” she managed to say. She couldn’t quite form any coherent thoughts and it appeared neither could he.

He groaned and stilled, saying her name over and over again. Then his breaths became calm.

Bernadetta climbed on top of his chest, kissing him again and again, until her lips felt sore. 

He smiled, which caused her to blush. 

She rested her head on his chest, but looked up. He looked calm for the first time in a while. “I um, I don’t feel any shame, not anymore.”

Ferdinand shook his head. “Neither do I.”

“That was kind of wonderful, actually.” She placed her head back and hugged him. Ferdinand returned her hug. 

“I wholeheartedly agree.” Ferdinand embraced her. “Perhaps one day, we can indulge in more, but I am not exactly ready to…”

“Me neither,” she said. This was totally fine. It would happen when they were ready. For now she wanted to become more comfortable with him. Tell him her dreams, her (too many) fears, and her basic opinions and hobbies.

His hands stroked her hair in circles. It was soothing. “I was wondering...Since we have agreed to start courting, may I offer you a tour of Enbarr?”

“Huh?” she said. 

“Was that too much?”

“A little!”

“Perhaps the marketplace here, then? I would like to show you my preferred vendors and the like, and...perhaps buy you a gift.”

It was her turn to smile. She had never smiled, not like this before. “That doesn’t sound so bad.” She knew the marketplace a little and the woman in charge, Anna, wasn’t so bad.

Ferdinand got up, nearly knocking her aside. “The tea!” he said. “I have forgotten my tea!” 

He adjusted his uniform and walked over to the teapot, which had to be too warm now. “Sorry! I guess we got distracted!” She, too, adjusted her uniform.

He poured tea for the both of them. 

“How about we visit the marketplace tomorrow?”

“A-alright,” she said. “I’ll need to um, talk to the Professor first, but w-we can go right after!” She would need to tell them she changed her mind again. She could train with Ferdie. She had to admit she was hoping it would lead to more physical moments like this because his affection was all she ever wanted now that she had been the recipient of it. Besides, the ceremony wasn’t for a couple more days. She could make time to be with Ferdinand. 

He wrapped an arm around her as they drank tea that was warmer than she was used to, and for once, felt calm as they conversed about the monastery cats, which quickly shifted about an operatic production about cats and then evolved from there. Bernadetta loved conversing with Ferdinand, he was so patient and always valued her opinion. It made her think that maybe this courtship could go well. Maybe Ferdinand would grow to love her, because right now, all she could think about were the many ways she was starting to love him. 

To her, his status didn’t matter, although it was a likely perk in her father’s eyes, not that she cared. 

And maybe...maybe Ferdinand would someday love her back and find her marriageable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed the conclusion to my wank week piece. I love this pairing so much.


End file.
